The Anti-Chill Girl

I am not a chill girl. “Chill” is probably the last word anyone who actually knows me would use to describe me.

I’m the type of person who is gonna be excited when I get grocery store flowers for €2.99 and peaches are in season.

I’m going to rave about how cool it is that people of all shapes and sizes feel comfortable enough to go to the spa naked. I’ll feel personally attacked when someone asks me “so what” when I bring this up, as if naked spas aren’t the absolute antithesis of the American diet culture I grew up with. It’s a big “so what” to me, so let me have my moment and make my point.

I will remember every single thing that you’ve ever said to me: good, bad, your favorite dessert from that bakery around the corner, and what time your flight lands next weekend. It doesn’t matter how big or small or how offhandedly the thing was said: I will remember it forever.

Instances like this don’t lend themselves to the “cool girl” dynamic that I was so keenly chasing for many years. Even Alex will sometimes tell me to “chill down a bit” when I become hyper-fixated on a sentence he said or an activity we thought of doing 6 weeks ago and now feel the need to follow up on until it’s completed. (I’ve since learned that there’s a thin line between being non-chill and being completely neurotic).

This got me wondering, Do chill girls even exist? Is everyone just pretending to be cool as a cucumber on the surface, but below they’re just as neurotic as I am? Sometimes I think about being better about hiding my lack of chill. Ya know, being a little less excitable. Pretending I casually know about the coolest new restaurant around the corner from a friend instead of having read all 500 Google reviews to learn about the best dishes, the best time to go, and special offers. And FYI, I will 100% have their menu by the time I casually suggest it as our next lunch spot.

Last week, I saw this quote that completely changed my mind about what it means to be a chill girl:

Being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points. –Kevin Kelly

HELL YEAH, THAT’S THE KIND OF ENCOURAGEMENT I NEED TO KEEP BEING MY CRAZY NON-CHILL SELF. Sometimes I doubt myself: Am I too much? Should I be more composed? Should I be more mysterious?

And then there’s something like this that comes along and says, “Where’s the fun in that?”

To all my fellow non-chill girls out there, keep doing you. Life’s too short to be a chill girl. And here’s to hoping I never hear someone say “Shanz, you’re so chill!”